Coaching as a Calling

When I Coach I Learn and Help Others Learn Too

I love coaching. I mean I really love it. It puts a pep in my step and joy in my day.

When I decided that coaching was something that I wanted to do in the next chapter of my career, initially I imagined myself coaching very senior executives who, like me, had experienced the loneliness of the c-suite. I’m still wide open to that but that is not where I am finding my joie de vivre lately (exuberant enjoyment of life). Sorry for the French, but watching the Paris Olympics has me feeling oooh la la about all things French. I also had a coaching session this morning at La Madeleine where I ordered a croissant so this blog might self-translate into French on its own at any minute.

Back to coaching. Rather than c-suite executives ending up as my niche, during my coaching education, I have found myself drawn to a different clientele; up and coming professional women who need coaching and mentoring. It is such a joy to pour in to them, listen to them and really HEAR them. It is a privilege to be part of their journey and give back to them the way others invested in me.

I am so glad that I got advanced coaching education. With 20+ years of Human Resource experience and 20+ years of c-suite experience, I probably could have started a successful coaching practice without it but I would not be as effective. I have learned some powerful tools and real differences between internal corporate coaching and the kind of coaching that happens when you engage an external coach to help you on your journey.

First, I’ve learned to be a much better listener. I often find myself telling myself silently to shut up during coaching sessions and let the client talk. I’ve learned that my clients are all unique, creative and wonderful individuals with the best solutions already inside them. I’ve learned that it is my job to bring the solution out from within them, not to hand it to them. Science shows that these are the best outcomes and I believe it. Mentoring can be valuable, but you need to be careful how much of that you do and make sure that you let clients know that you are stepping into mentoring when you do it. Plus it is so much more fun to see a solution begin to form in a client’s mind and then come out in their own words than giving them an answer.

Second, I’ve learned to form and ask powerful questions and keep asking and listening to the answers until the onion is peeled back to get to the root of the issue. That is really the secret sauce of coaching. Asking, listening and asking some more. While based in neuroscience, it is also so human and real. It depends upon mutual trust that is built over time.

Third, and this is a challenging one also, I’m learning to allow powerful pauses and silence to happen. I learned this as a tool in negotiations during my business career; the first person to talk loses the negotiation. Now it is a tool in coaching. If you ask a question and the client doesn’t answer immediately, let them think and answer, don’t rush in to fill the gap. I’m learning to become comfortable sitting and just looking at my clients as they process a question, perhaps conjuring up memories or processing emotions that a question might provoke. After a long pause, revelations and breakthroughs often happen. Silence is okay. Silence is good.

Finally, I’ve learned that coaching is a growing business in the United States. It is normal in much of Europe and Asia for business professionals to have their own external coach, like an athlete or performer does. However in the U.S. this is often only the case when the company brings on a ‘coach’ to fix someone so there is often a negative connotation to having a professional coach. This trend is declining as more and more savvy executives are seeing their peers accelerate their careers after hiring an outside professional.

I might not have “needed” 250+ hours of professional coaching development that I received to hang a coaching shingle, but I’ll be a much better coach because of the time that I invested on Monday and Wednesday evenings over the last year because of it. My clients deserve the best and I’m excited to help bring that out in them.